We go to bars so we can behave like children, toddlers, really. You ever go to a bar at 2am? You might as well be picking up a kid at nursery school.

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Gaffigian, Jim. "Obsessed." Comedy Central Special. 27 Apr. 2014, Comedy Central. Originally presented on 18 Jan. 2014 at the Wilbur Theater, Boston, MA, USA.